Changing Your Name? A Dilemma for Divorcing Women

Writing this month for the New York Times, Megan Wood speaks of divorce as an opportunity for women to create a new identity — a trend that is, apparently, gaining some traction.

The idea of name reinvention after divorce was popularized by Cheryl Strayed in her riveting memoir, “Wild — From Lost to Found on the Pacific Coast Trail.”  The author, born Cheryl Nyland, explains that she needed a meaningful new name after her divorce and, rather than opting to return to her birth name, chose one that fit her history.  Cheryl had, she freely admits, strayed. While we question whether most women would find comfort in such a decision — query, can one be passive-agressive toward one’s self? —  still the issue of what name to carry forward is one most divorcing women confront.

For most of us, the question is whether we are most comfortable identifying ourselves as we have  throughout the years of our marriage, perhaps as the mother of our children — maybe from a prior marriage — or as our father’s daughter. The option of  adopting a brand new name is a more radical notion.

The options are not quite as open for women divorcing in Connecticut as Wood reports them to be in New York.  Outside of divorce, any Connecticut citizen may apply for a name change in Connecticut courts and, as long as there is no intent to defraud creditors or others, the application will ordinarily be granted. However the free no-fuss name-change option available in family court for divorcing women is limited. Under  the family law statute on the subject, you may only elect to resume a birth name or other former name, not a new one.

I’d be remiss in not acknowledging that the name change statute applies to men as well. However, typically this means simply dropping the part of a hyphenated name  that already included his birth name — hardly as traumatic a decision as that faced by women.